Thank you momma for that letter. It really was an answer to my prayer. Although I know in my heart that it is necessary to pass through trials, it really is so challenging to keep moving sometimes. There have been a lot of moments where I feel so down because I’m not seeing the results in the way I want to, or just everything we have planned drops. It makes me think about if I’m actually working hard enough.
I want to say that I’m doing everything I can, but it’s those trials that make me doubt myself. Working hard is a trait I think I earned from both you and dad, and it makes me feel so good to know that I put in 100 %. It’s hard to put in 100% here because I have to have enough energy for the next day. We work every single day and so I’m having to learn to pace myself and be happy with what I was able to get done.
It’s a hard trial for me because I am, in all reality, a super inpatient person... I like to see results quickly and get things done fast... but that’s not really how it works out here... The work isn’t too super hard, it’s more about just being where the Lord needs you and loving and helping the people that he has prepared. It makes it hard for me to judge how hard I am truly working. I don't want to be lazy, but then again I don't want to kill myself trying to reach that level of approval from my own body that says you literally can't give anymore... it’s a weird concept.
When I went with the zone leader (that was about to go home) I realized that he never was in a rush. He just took a step at a time and thought about what the next best option would be, and always smiled and chatted with people. It wasn't hard, it was just loving whoever he could find. I really want to try to follow his example.
The weather is sooo hot, I guess we are in the summer months right now haha. I don't know if I’ve talked about it, but the busses are sooooo crazy. If I could choose between going to six flags and riding a Guatemalan chicken bus, I would choose the bus. I don't know how many times I’ve hit my head on the ceiling. They don't have speed limits here and the roads are so windy and bumpy it’s ridiculous.
I’m out of time. I love and miss you all so much.